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  • Rev Dr VP Langer-Langer

Has Everyone Lost Their Minds? The Mask Thing, Two Questions...

Dear Rev Dr Vincent Pickle Langer-Langer,

Has everyone lost their minds? I was walking in a parking lot today and someone, about three car lengths away, yelled at me for not wearing a mask! I had not put it on yet as I intended to, since it is required by the grocery I was about to enter. What exactly is mandatory masks? Everywhere? Outside? In my car?

Signed, Unmasked

Dear Unmasked,

Yes, everyone has lost their minds. But keep yours, please.

“Mandatory,” as a term of requirement with legal force, in public, cannot be enforced. Cops don't interfere with vandalism or other violence, so why arrest a person without a mask? When they say "mandatory" they mean "do as we tell you since we know better or else."

The CDC and the Task Force have strongly recommended using a mask indoors or in crowded spaces. That is a reasonable and likely effective request.

So, what’s the big deal? It is a community spirit issue, and one of personal responsibility, sacrificing a small inconvenience for the greater good. Masks, social distance, and don’t lick doorknobs.

Yes, for months there was contradictory information by a host of relevant national and state medical authority. There is a boatload of important and relevant empirical data that masks are particularly effective if the user has symptoms; if the secondary person does not have symptoms, it is almost as effective, percentage-wise, as a vaccine, with the only side effect being smelling your own bad breath, which I suspect is especially dreadful among rioters, Antifa, democrats who insist on "mandatory" to control our lives, and Nazi white power as$hats.

I am sorry that hysteria has overcome good judgment and some wingbat yelled at you. I hope that this will not dissuade you from believing that we are one people, and we should respect each other in spirit and manner. We are one nation, after all.

Dear Rev Dr Langer-Langer,

You may not approve, sir, but I confess to daydreaming during church services.

A huge benefit of being a “regular” on Sunday is many lovely ladies of all shapes and sizes really putting on their very best, and I, for one, truly appreciate the effort.

But now I have to contend with masks. I don’t care much either way about wearing it myself, but the most pleasant distraction of women in church has lost much of its former luster.

Yet, there is a revelation! I have discovered the real sex appeal of a woman is her smile.

Do you agree?

Signed, Lust in My Heart.

Dear Lust,

I agree. And you’re a pig.

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